Lost and Found, and still out of Reach

three years has gone by. not a day goes by that i dont think of you. wonder where you are, how you are, what you are doing. if you got married yet. if you still are driving delievery trucks for hazard waste material. wonder about the kids, the oldest should be about 17 or 18 ya? the other two i wonder about them too. then i sit and i wonder what really happend to make you leave me? what sin did i commit, what wrong did i do for you to go out of my life yet again? I try to piece it together, but i cant. I know she didnt like me and i didnt trust her, i know my ex friend had a thing for you, and you flirted with her, NOW that ex friend isnt in the picture i wonder if said friend made it all up, but you were fed lies too; so you took the easy out and stopped talking to me. I know im a little much to handle, ive got a lot that the normal person shouldnt have to deal with in thier lifetime, and i know i was a burden on you when we were together last. If you were here in my life, id tell you, i love you and i have misssed you, id tell you wish i could tell you im better, but actually im not ive been getting worse and worse. I wish i could tell you that everything is going to be ok with me, but i cant. because i dont know when or if it ever will be. I wish i can tell you i found that one lady who took our last day together away with her lies, and caused my last breakdown. Theres so much i wish i could tell you. How i need you back in my life, because just the sound of your voice puts me at ease. How i need you back to help me deal with the one you put away. Then id sit and and id tell you that I dont mean to be sick, i dont mean to have all thats wrong with me wrong with me. Id tell you that i am a good person, on my good days. Id tell you that I need you in my life again so i can get better. id tell you that no matter what happens, who i am at the time, who or what comes out of me, i always love you, even when i was little and knew of you but you didnt know i exsisted. You and i had a connection over the course of my life, and somehow it got broken, i dont feel safe anymore, you were always there at least somehow i was always able to feel you; but havent for a couple of years. I need you back in my life so despartly right now, i hope that you get that message my friend left for you, and i hope you do call me back.