scared

dont know why i should be........ but i am........... im afraid to go out the door, to go to new places, to go to places i used to enjoy.............. im afraid that if i tell the new doctor that he will committ me again............... im afraid that aaron will committ me again. I dont know whats causing it. i thought when i left the hospital i was going to be ok, but it seems my phobias are just getting worse............. could it be just the season, and the memories around this time???? i logically have no reason to fear aaron, hes not going to hurt me. he might be tough on me right now, but i guess i deserve that one. im kinda of his nightmare right now after 18 years.

is it a spiritual thing or just chalk it up to chemical imbalances that are yet to be discovered. was a week inside the hospital enough time? Do i need to go back again>>?? all i know is i cant live my life using my calming technique since the only thing that calms me is a hot shower, and well cant take that many showers a day or thered be no hot water ever.